Keegan Lenker's Musings....

Why Intergen Ministry Anyway?

What’s the Point of Intergenerational Ministry Anyway?

In recent days in my office, there has been an influx of interest from other ministries and friends around the country who have entered into a desire to not only understand but begin to implement a mindset of Intergenerational and Family Based Ministry approaches. While I in no way profess to have all the answers to this, I’m excited about some of the changes and hopes we have in our particular context both now and into the future. Here's a few answers to some questions I've been getting recently.

Have you always emphasized InterGenMin in your ministry?

I haven't emphasized this until really the last 2 years. I felt I didn't fully understand what it meant until I began to focus, learn, and surround myself with people and literature that could help. As I learn more, I realize the complexity of Intergen ministry and see there is always something new to learn and process.

What or who inspired you to incorporate InterGenMin into your ministry?

Fuller Youth Institute invited our church to participate in a cohort in 2010 which helped educate and inform us while giving us information to contextualize in our own context what that meant to be an Intergenerational community. We were coached in implementing change of our choosing and supported in the process. Anyone interested in developing this for their own context are invited to check out http://stickyfaith.org/sticky-faith-cohort

What does InterGenMin look like in your ministry now? What are the specific parts that you are very intentional about?

Intergen is a slow process. People don't like change and it takes time and I think it takes even longer in a church context. We have begun to plan and think beyond the confines of programmatic youth ministry. When we calendar we are thinking creatively about how to get people of all ages engaged with us in unique ways. Here's a few examples:

Senior 2 Senior - Our primetime pastor and I have done a Senior 2 Senior event where the senior adults take on the seniors in high school in one on one relationships for their senior year. You can't force connections, but you can make efforts for those connections to take place. This worked for some and not for others. We didn't finish well but had students givens presence by senior adults who feel the need to do more than just pray and give money.

Intergen mission trip - This will be our third year in going on an intergenerational mission trip. Doing this trip so the youth are enmeshed in everything the adults are doing is crucial for relational development. We don't have the youth do their own separate thing. The first two years has brought growth and even helped to gain volunteers of all ages into our ministry.

The next is developing strategies that get parents resourced in doing spiritual formation for students. So many parents feel the church doesn't help in this and we're trying to help resource and think of the family unit in youth ministry rather than just the students. The time spent with youth pastors is unbalanced and out of line. More time can be spent with families so their are receptive to the resourcing we are trying to do.

What are the difficulties with incorporating InterGenMin into a church?

It's imperative you define the difference between multigen and intergen. Most churches with older adults will think they are intergen because they have kids in their church building. When you ask who they invest in they don't even know their names. So, that makes it a multigen church.

An intergen church takes a lot of education. Be willing to talk about the differences with people so they can see the difference. It takes time to educate and a message that needs repeating over and over.

When we did our monthly trainings for mission trips, I reiterated the same message over and over each month. By the time we got to Guatemala, there was still only a handful of adults and students that "got it." The education of it never is over.

What are the benefits of having an InterGenMin Ministry?

It's biblical. The Israelites modeled who they were as a people all the time. They would retell their story at dinner so future generations had an understanding of they were and who they were called to be.

The adage "it takes a village to raise a child" should be heeded in a world where this mentality seems to be disappearing. Especially in church buildings where many students come who have parents that don't attend, having significant followers of Christ who are living it out and investing in these students is crucial to set a model of invitation.

I'm yet to read anywhere where we are called to be the segregated and siloed Body of Christ. I'm convinced the future of youth ministry is dependent upon the ability of the church to educate, teach, model, and live out what the Body of Christ can look like together.

Share one story or example of how you’ve seen InterGenMin play out positively in your church?

From our Senior to Senior ministry, we had one gentleman who had gone on our first mission trip who took to one particular student. As he journeyed with this student he took the time to listen, be present, and speak into this young man's life. This student moved on to college and this man took time to continue investing. This boys life took a dramatic turn when his parents went through a divorce. The man and his wife had ministered in this journey not only with the young man, but with his family so when the brokenness of this family was exposed, they were able to step in and minister as needed. Senior to Senior turned into Family to Family where they continue to journey and share life together.

What are the first steps you recommend for a church wanting to go in this direction?

Find stories where this takes place in your context already. Begin to listen and watch for intergen relationships happen organically and begin to tell those stories to anyone who will listen. When I first got excited about this, my first response was to find 3 stories. When I found those 3 stories, I didn't stop telling them. I told them in any platform I was allowed. Stories motivate and and invite. People begin to wonder if they have what it takes. Since then, numerous other stories have risen up for me to tell.

This process takes time. A very long time. I recently read a book that indicated it takes 2-3 years to get buy in from a church context and and additional 3-5 years to fully implement. When I read that it was discouraging and encouraging at the same time. I don't feel I have to change everything immediately, but can go slowly and peel back the layers to see what additional areas of Intergen are needed in my particular context.

Model this in your home and life. I feel I can’t speak into this honestly until I’m honest about how this plays out in my own marriage and family. We take seriously the statistics that say the primary influence on a child’s spiritual development is the parents. Here’s a few things we do:

Family Meetings – Each Sunday night we gather and speak affirmations into one another’s lives. Our 5 year old and our 2 year old do this as well as we feel it’s important to give them a voice in our home at an early age. (Even though my 2 year appreciates we watched Tangled with her, she still has a voice)

Dinner conversation – Each night we have dinner around the table together (for us that’s about 4 times a week) we share our highs from the day, lows from the day, a mistake we made, (we want our children to understand making mistakes is a way that we grow) and where we saw God at work. This is profoundly deep, but on occasion my wife and I are surprised at what our children absorb and learn.

Nightly routines – Our children have routines each night and one is reading scripture and talking about Christ in ways that hopefully avoid legalistic approaches to talking about Christ, and we are intentional about how we pray over our children. They could repeat that prayer back to us now, but we want the DNA of their spirituality to be Christ and their reactions are Christ first.

The sooner you can get your Senior Pastor on board the better the process can be in your particular context. I constantly hear of churches that struggle because senior pastors haven’t taken the time (because they have other things going on) or just think it might be “the next thing” in youth ministry. Any time your Senior Pastor can give you time where you can explain in healthy way what intergen ministry is, capitalize on that time and be prepared with appropriate information.

Lastly I'd encourage anyone who has a heart for this to begin reading and put your hands on books that can help to educate you even more as you seek to educate others. Here's a few books in my library that are helping to facilitate this process in my own context.

Family Ministry Field Guide - Timothy Paul Jones

Think Orange - Reggie Joiner

Passing on the Faith - Merton Strommen and Richard Hardel

A Theology for Family Ministries - Michael and Michelle Anthony

One Church Four Generations - Gary McIntosh

Sticky Faith  - Kara Powell and Chap Clark

 

A Heartache That Compels

I’ve only been actively involved in full-time youth ministry for about 10 years.  It’s probably fair to say   those that have been involved in some capacity longer than that should be writing this, as they would have a better take and reality.

 Our culture has changed so much in the last decade or so that they have affected our local churches in huge ways. For example, it’s not too uncommon that I take a trip where we’re on a “media fast” that a parent tells me their child won’t go unless they can have their cell phone. Remember when we said we’d call a couple times while we were gone to check in so parents knew we were okay?

As media has increased and students take in more information than we know what to do, Tim Elmore in his book iY Generation notes that students today are the most informed of any generation in history and yet the most emotionally immature.  They don’t know how to deal with this information that comes at them in levels incomprehensible to even me, just a generation before them.

That info has even changed how we approach teaching as well. They can’t pay attention as long and so we have to find creative ways to invite them into participation in the Kingdom of God. I’m not opposed to this at all as I love it, but in just a decade our world has changed in major ways through terrorist threats, devastating earthquakes, tsunamis, political upheaval, wars, and debates over family systems.

Chap Clark in his book Hurt would say that many of the people we help today during ministry have not had what he calls the necessary social capital to help them transition into adulthood in healthy ways. Those people are not just in churches, but everywhere we go. Social capital comes from a mom and a dad that give to their children what they need for this necessary transition.

In fact, doing this in ministry can feel very defeating at times, as it seems each class carries a greater burden into ministry than the one that preceded it. Angry kids, kids with the lowest self-esteem, fear over meeting parents expectations, a demand on grades to get into a “decent” college, and the list goes on and on. These kids go our churches every week.

Sometimes getting one more email or text message can put you on the brink of just wanting to quit and go somewhere else and start over. Yet that won’t do anything but delay what’s coming in the future.

The heartache I feel not just for students, but families, and strangers alike is what compels me to keep going. The depth of love I feel for these lives is addictive to the point that that one email or text could just be the starting point of a deeper relationship or connection to the hope that I have in Jesus.

This all came to a head for me sitting and listening to our Senior Pastor, Scott Daniels' sermon. He hits this head on and I’d recommend it if you’re interested here. (October 16, 2011) He addresses the importance of our role in helping students come to grips with an authority beyond themselves.

Whatever position you are paid or volunteer at, whether it’s in the church or the largest corporation in the world, take heart cause this brokenness is everywhere and we get to be a part of the restoration that Jesus is doing in our world.

As much as our hearts may break at the next news story or text message where you hoped a student wouldn’t make that choice, to the divorce that will spill into so many lives, allow this heartache to compel you where you are to keep going.

You’re loved.

A More Solidified Body of Christ

Over the last couple of years we have been very intentional in our approaches with Mission Trips. Two summers ago we took a trip to Guatemala with 62 people from our church of all ages. Last summer we took a trip with 42 people Nicaragua again with people of all ages.

One of the important components of those trips was to be intentional about our intergenerational connections. I did not realize how difficult this was going to be for us. We have become accustomed to segregation by ages in the church and because of that we do not know how to engage relationally with one another. People tend to think if all ages are in the same space together it is intergenerational in nature. This couldn’t be further from the truth because more often than not none of those ages are usually talking with one another.

In the months leading up to the trips, I would remind the people that we are in this together. I would even say they could get work done faster without the teenagers, but if they would take the time to teach the skills and be present with the teenagers, they would be offering more than just skills in building a park or church office.

After two months I got them to finally split up and sit together. We offered specific questions to get conversation going. About the time we left for the first trip, a few adults believed me and began to interact.

After the first trip life on Sunday mornings began to change. Students would call the names of adults from across the patio and run for a hug. People began to notice this change, even Vic, the general contractor on our work sites both years.

This year Vic couldn’t wait to go to Nicaragua again. He became known that as the guy that would buy ice cream everyday after work for everyone. It was one way he could relate with the kids. We shared small conversations about how great the students were and his deep appreciation for them.

The students fell in love with Vic too. When we came home this summer we were on a final summer trip together and I asked several what they thought about Vic joining our volunteer staff this year. My students thought it was the best idea! The coolest park? Vic is 66.

Over the course of two summers Vic has gotten to know 22 students from our ministry. Sitting down with him and inviting him to share his life with students wasn’t that hard because he’d already told me how great they were. It was affirming for him to be reciprocated appreciation from teenagers.

I’d say the Body of Christ is a bit more solid today than it was 30 days ago. We’re less fragmented today than we were 30 days ago. That’s another step in the right direction.

Trust Issues?

I've come to realize in my nearly 10 years of doing YM, I realize and own up to the fact that I'm a control freak when it comes to how things get done. If you're reading this and in charge of a group of people, you are either one yourself or you've figured out how to lead people well.

I've been a late bloomer in just about every area of my life. I'm slow to get it, but eventually I come around and grasp things. I try to be a bit more strategic in some of those approaches, but I feel as though I'm finally starting to learn what it means to lead people.

For the first time ever, I took a retreat with my team of volunteers for 2 days to evaluate everything we are doing in ministry. I just finished four years here and aside from monthly meetings have never done such a thing with my volunteers. We had our ministry covered for the weekend and focused on the specifics together. Before I get into that, I'll tell you how it felt.

I knew this retreat was necessary, but I hated it at first. I like the fact that I've planned everything and run our ministry together with me in the driver's seat the last four years. Deep down I knew in order to lead effectively, I'd need to invite others to take the wheel. It also scared me. It meant I may hear things about what we're doing that need to change and for someone who wears his emotions on his sleeves, this may not be easy to take.

When we don't give our volunteers a voice, we begin to lose them. When I started the retreat by saying we were in this together and their voice was just as valuable as mine, something began to happen with us. As we began to break out into small groups and talk about specific areas, I avoided being a group, but floated to hear the conversation.

I found myself overcome with emotion as I began to realize many of my hopes for the future of YM were happening in those groups without my control. Four years of my own voice yielding to people that have great thoughts on the same thing was equating to a more successful team dreaming together.

We had dialogue about what it meant for us to not just be another team that looks at what everyone else is doing, but to dream into the future of YM and be a team that other churches can look upon because we were in this together and thinking in ways that began to look beyond the confines we place on what a "successful" YM looks like. 

Upon the completion of the weekend we had planned an entire year's events with a volunteer taking ownership of each of those events. We had committed together to some changes that needed to happen within us so we can move forward with students. We came home with a sense that we were in this together and we were no longer a group of people hanging out with teenagers, but a team committed to the Kingdom of God focused specifically with a students.

I come away from something like this more convinced that our job is to work our way of a job and trust those that commit week in and week out to the areas that we lead. All the little things that tend to get put aside when we're in control and can now make us a better because I'm no longer the control freak, but just another team player working in the Kingdom with others.

You're loved.