As I write this, I’m 35,000 feet in the air and on my way to Mozambique to work alongside some great people from our denomination and World Vision to see the effects and impact of water in a community. Today marks the final day of Joncee’s treatment and my emotions are mixed. After today, the waiting game begins. This part of the journey can be filled with mental anguish as you battle the realities of “what if.” It’s a constant discipline to keep yourselves from these thoughts as it can invite so many other emotions into a reality that doesn’t exist.
It can become easy to depend upon medicine for the sake of health as it provides a sense of comfort, but it’s quite another thing to place yourself within the realm of dependence upon God’s plan for your life let alone your children. This is where I find myself this morning. The end of one road and INVITED into another.
That’s right. You and I are invited to join this journey called dependence upon God. It is unnerving, it can be unsafe, it can be full of unknowns, and yet as you lean in deeper you begin to experience a spirit of confidence and hope. This comes not out of your wants, but a deep reality of the mystery of what God is doing in the world and the part he invites you to play in it.
So I turn again to Psalm 103 which I remember hearing as the lectionary text for the Sunday a few days after we discovered Joncee’s Leukemia years ago:
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits—who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the Pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good as long as you live, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Lord works vindication and justice for all who are oppressed. He made know his ways to Moses, His acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. (vv1-8)
So here I am, ALL that is within me blessing his name along with the fear and unknown that comes with it.
Knowing full well that in a matter of hours I’ll be in the presence of so many with so little while having so much, I’m sure I’ll see a visual reality of dependence at work.
Pray that I receive God’s reality for me in the coming days. Pray for Joncee in the next several hours as he deals physically with all of this. Pray for Joncee in his future that this part of his narrative isn’t polarizing to his understanding of Jesus, but affirming to the goodness of God in his life. Pray for Jayme as she processes this new reality and pray for Kaizlee as she experiences life as a sister with a brother who has had cancer.
You are loved.